Hey, how you doing? Sorry it’s been a while. I’ve been in hiding. And when I say ‘in hiding’ really I mean just absent from social media and a world away from blogging.
Truth is, it’s been a crazy few weeks for me. And all the craziness has left me feeling overwhelmed and extremely unfocused.
When I’m not donning my ‘wedmin’ (wedding admin) hat; trying to organise a guest list and stressing over dates I’ve been doing the bare minimum when it comes to self-care. As I type this up my nails are chewed & chipped, my hair is drier than Gandi’s flip flop and oh my days my legs are extremely ashy. I feel like someone who doesn’t have their shit together. And that my friends is the one thing that will always make me feel guilt.
I’m someone who always wants to appear like I have my shit together. I’m the friend who’s always there to listen, assess and solve any problem. So, why can’t I seem to do that for myself?
Kimono | Zara (similar Missguided here)
White tee | And Other Stories
Jeans | Levi’s
Shoes | Topshop
Sunglasses | ASOS
PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOSHUA BRATHWAITE
You see apart from attending pre-planned obligations that I couldn’t get out of I’ve been in my bed, wearing sweats and Sudocrem as staple fashion items and not dealing with life very well.
The last time I checked in I was feeling on top of the world, high on life, untouchable – you get the picture. With time off work, a city break in Barcelona, celebrating our engagement and feeling inspired with blog content, I was ready to hit the ground running after a mini-break.
But when faced with the task of planning an entire wedding, working full-time, blogging consistently, having a social life all whilst keeping the house tidy like I’d planned the bubble soon burst.
It’s been three days since you posted on Instagram, what’s going on? It’s been another day and you’ve done no blog work, why do you keep putting it off? Did you really need that second (ok third) serving of cake? Why am I not feeling happy? I should be happy, life’s great! These are all the interrogating questions I berated myself with which eventually lead me to my guilt-ridden slump.
Every task I set myself seemed mammoth. The thought of posting on Instagram made me feel a bit shit. Twitter made me feel uncool for not having a witty 40-character tweet to share. My unpacked suitcase from two weeks ago made me feel lazy. My growing pile of washing made me feel like a slob. And my un-kept brows made me feel somewhat feral. So, instead of tackling my to do list I spent my days avoiding emails, phone-calls and events to watch Girl Boss on Netflix (for the 3rd time) claiming “I’m just really busy” to anyone who called me out.
I started to feel really frustrated with myself. Why can’t I just feel like the shiniest, best version of myself already because this funk is not the one. Then I came across a post that Hannah Gale published a couple weeks ago. It was like she had live-blogged from my mind and clearly there must be something in the water…
In a nutshell I need to stop feeling guilty and punishing myself for not getting all the things I want done immediately. To stop feeling guilty for not “achieving” everyday. It’s OK to give yourself time out. It’s OK to just do nothing and give your brain a rest.
I need to go slowly while I adjust to all the changes in my life right now and I need to accept that sometimes I don’t have my Beyonce pants on and I need few days off to not think about anything serious. And that’s OK.
I’m always trying to be the best version of myself and have high expectations. But it’s not always realistic. It’s important to take a break from the world when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Taking time out when it all got too much was the best thing I could of done for myself so why on earth should I feel guilty for that?